Subject: [FFML] [FanFic][SM] NETTG: Terra in Tokyo Ch.13

From: "Benjamin A. Oliver" <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 13 Apr 2007 22:28:31 -0700

Lucky number 13!

The FFML, it lives... in one incarnation, or another, or both.  I'm
trying out both the Google Groups way and the traditional manner of
getting it across.  I'm kind of liking the Groups
threaded-conversation possibilities.  Could get a hundred replies to
the story, on or off topic, with no need for moderation since it's all
contained inside the thread.  If the same thing happened on the
regular FFML, there'd be admins to answer to.

In any case, I'll be posting to both until the true winner emerges and
the victor stands astride the other, dripping sword in hand and the
taste of battle on its lips....

Where was I?  Ah, yes, fanfic.

This story is a retelling of my older story, Nuke 'Em 'Till They
Glow!!  The point of it was to finish a story, whatever the cost,
whatever it takes.  The story has been written to the end, so it has a
conclusion.  It will be finished because it IS finished.  Revisions
will occur, though, based on any comments received.  Already from the
prereaders and editors there have been strong suggestions to modify
the ending and some of the pieces that lead up to it.

Any comments to the story will help determine what the final shape of
the story will be, whether it rises up in triumph, or the story
finishes off as a cruel tragedy.

Besides, we've got Larry F on some of the final pass editing, and I
tend to listen to what he says, even if I initially disagree with it.
Punctuation discussions and sentence structure.

We've gone through this chapter pretty thoroughly.  Spell checked,
proofread, plot checked... but experience has shown we're still human
so we may have missed something.  Still, we've made the effort and few
could ask for more. ^_^

Earlier chapters are available at:

http://boliver.florestica.com/tint/index.htm

Chapters 1-10 are there, and I can repost 11 and 12 to the Google
mailing list group for another archive reference if anyone would like.

In the meantime, Terra in Tokyo continues!

Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!!
Terra in Tokyo

---Chapter 13:  Right!  Take Your Lumps.

	Rei greeted Jupiter and Chibimoon at the front door to the Hikawa
Shrine.  The first words out of the frantic shrine maiden's mouth
were, "You're alive!  Good!  They came at us so fast.  We couldn't
hardly do anything!  Did you get a crystal?!"

	Chibimoon placed her Violet Rainbow Crystal into the dark-haired
girl's hand, closed it, patted it, and gave a sturdy thumbs-up and a
forced wide grin before slumping limply back down into Makoto's grasp.

	"Chibimoon, are you okay?" Rei asked, shaking the exhausted girl by
the shoulder.  "Chibimoon!"

---

	When the Irish girl finally woke up, she found herself lying on a
futon in a nondescript room.  It took her a minute to recognize it as
part of the Hikawa Shrine.  She had on a set of light-red pajamas that
she could only imagine belonged to Rei.  On a cushion nearby, she
spied her transformation locket, and she heard her friends' voices
coming from a room on the other side of the hallway.

	Terra didn't really feel like moving.  Despite having just woken up,
she was still really tired.

	"Heh," she laughed derisively at herself, "you'd think I stayed up
all night or something."

	She forced herself to sit up, and her muscles trembled with every
movement.  Taking stock of her situation, she discovered that the
swelling from the fight on her face and around her ribcage had gone
down, but her body was still covered with bruises.

	"So much for trusting the ArbyFish," Terra muttered as she fingered
the cursed mushroom mark on her neck.  It kind of itched a bit.  She
waited for Arby to show up in response to her words, but he didn't
come.  "I said, 'So much for trusting the ArbyFish!'"  She wanted to
talk to that little creep and make him do whatever he could to fix her
up.  He still didn't appear.  "Why won't you come when I call, Arby?
You always did before to bother me, so why not when I actually need
you?!"

	When her not-so-trusty mutant animal mascot failed to materialize,
the girl sighed and realized that she'd just been talking to herself
and acting silly.  With that, she decided to put the creature out of
her mind for the moment, however difficult that may have been.

	Her strength failing her, she slipped back down and rolled onto her
side to stare at the wall for a while longer.

	It wasn't supposed to be like this, being a world-saving heroine.
She was supposed to appear in a brilliant show of light, destroy the
demonic villain-things, then wave a fond farewell to the grateful,
adoring masses she just saved, and have the rest of the day off to get
perfect grades in school or go out with a cute boyfriend.  But no, she
didn't get such luxuries.

	Why did she have to be so self-sacrificing all the time?

	Why did she have to half-kill herself to do anything meaningful for
whatever cause she fought for?  Her friends didn't seem to have any
trouble using their powers.  What made her so different?  Wasn't she a
proper Sailor Soldier?

	Her mind unable or unwilling to supply her with acceptable answers,
Terra spent another hour staring at nothing, lightly dozing, before
dragging her lazy, battered carcass to the other room.

---

	The clackety-clack of Ami's fingers on the keys of her little Mercury
laptop computer lent a monotonous business-as-usual air to the latest
meeting of the Sailor Soldiers.  The fact that the rest of them were
having huge plates full of pancakes for breakfast didn't seem to ruin
the atmosphere.  Rei ate in a dignified manner while Usagi and Makoto
gobbled them down like a pair ravenous hyenas that hadn't tasted
succulent prey since the last rainy season.

	In front of Ami's computer lay the Violet Rainbow Crystal, the sole
prize from all their hardships the previous night.

	"The molecular structure on this crystal defies all currently known
scientific principles!" Ami proclaimed.

	"Yeah, well, so does Luna," Usagi retorted.

	"Watch your mouth," the talking cat in question cautioned before
going back to nibbling on a couple pancakes of her own on a plate on
the floor.

	"No, don't you see?" the bookish girl pressed, obviously quite
excited about her findings.  "The energy content in this fragment
alone greatly exceeds the entire world's power grid!"

	"So it'll electrocute us if we stick our fingers in its socket?"
Makoto wondered, making Ami slap her own forehead.

	Rei looked up.  "Can we use it to get an advantage over the Dark Kingdom?"

	"We might," Ami said, but looked skeptical at the suggestion.
"However, in its present form, that power is so tightly packed,
nothing we have could extract enough energy to make a difference.  It
needs another few patterns to make it work properly.  I imagine the
other six fragments would work like keys for each other once they're
brought together."

	"Wow," Usagi awed.  "In that case, I'm sure glad we kept the Dark
Kingdom from getting all the pieces."

	Rei nodded her agreement.  "That's right.  As it is, they're mopping
the floor with us.  If they acquired any more power, we wouldn't even
stand a chance."

	"Hey, we took down one of their generals," Makoto said.  "At least
our team's still complete."

	"Speaking of which," Ami said, "how is our 'good luck charm' that
helped bring us a small measure of victory last night?"

	"I'm here!" Terra announced, her voice cracking from fatigue as she
slid the door open and stumbled in to take a seat near Usagi.

	"Hi, Terra-chan!" Usagi chirped happily.  "I'm glad you're doing
okay.  We thought you might sleep the whole day away."  She slid a
plate of syrup and butter-laden pancakes in front of the redhead.
"Here, we saved you some pancakes.  Nothing like a good breakfast to
make you feel better in the morning, huh?"

	The exhausted girl slumped down onto the table, her face landing
squarely into her food.

	"...Terra-chan?"

	"Yesh'm!  I'm finejushtgottashlmmmhphh...."  Dripping with syrup,
Terra sprang back up like a powerful geyser, alert and at attention,
before wavering and beginning to fall again.  Usagi and Makoto caught
her.

	"Careful," Rei said, "those are my pajamas that you're getting all sticky."

	"Eh, we'll wash 'em."

	"They could still get stained."

	"Sorry, Rei," Terra muttered.  "I'm just a little tired this morning."

	"Gee, you think?" the shrine maiden deadpanned.

	"And you look all beaten up," Usagi noted, poking at a big bruise on
Terra's cheek.

	"Ow," the redhead said apathetically when Usagi poked the tender
area.  "Ow," she said again when the action was repeated.  "Owwww...."

	"Was she injured fighting Zoicite, or fighting the youma?" Ami inquired.

	Makoto folded her arms.  "Feh, no.  The youma didn't even get close to her."

	"Then... what?" Rei asked.

	"Lita beat the tar out of me," Terra explained.  "And I mean the
living daylights.  She was, like, 'RAWR!'"  She made a pointy slashing
gesture with her fingernails.  "I used my powers to bash the youma's
head in later, but she beat me up first."

	"Really?  That's wonderful!" Luna said, then paused and amended,
"Wonderful that you managed to use your powers again, not that Sailor
Jupiter pummeled you, that is.  Really.  I mean, you've sometimes
complained that you don't really have any powers worth speaking of."

	"Have I?" Terra asked dazedly, then nodded.  "Yeah, seems like I
have.  Oh, by the way, did I ever tell you guys--"

	"--gals," Makoto corrected.

	"--fellow adolescent human beings of the female persuasion," the
redhead compromised in an eloquent manner totally unbefitting her
pale, tired, beaten countenance, "how I managed to save you all from
the Four Generals that one night?"

	"Yeah, you have," Rei replied.  "Some days we practically can't get
you to shut up about it."

	"Really?"  Terra thoughtfully thrust her tongue into her cheek and
winced as she probed a particularly tender patch of pummeled flesh.
"Ouchie."  She attempted to remember the date and time when she'd last
bragged about the heroic event, but failed to remember when it had
occurred.  "I hadn't noticed.  Hmm.  Did I tell you about the big
apocalyptic thing that happened?"

	"Yes," Rei said.  "And now's about when you talk about how you
manipulated time, traveled back, and beat the four generals up with
your bare hands, then saved us from certain death.  Thank you.  We're
very grateful!  Can we please get on with our lives now?"

	"Hey, I like telling that story."  Terra stuck out her lower lip.
"It makes me feel useful."

	"I don't think anybody here would say you're not useful," Luna said.
"You've proven yourself on multiple occasions."

	"Now if you could do that kind of stuff ALL the time," Makoto mused,
"then we might actually have a shot at winning against the Dark
Kingdom.  But from what we've seen, your powers are kind of hit and
miss, so we can't really go in counting on them.  Look, you even
healed up really fast for a while, but now it looks like even that's
stopped working.  You're random."

	"Random randomness," muttered Terra.

	"And that's another reason why," Usagi continued, patting her foreign
friend playfully on the shoulder, "you're our good luck charm."

	"Yeah, that's nice and all," Terra admitted, "but I'd rather be
the... perfect-gets-all-the-glory-princess-warrior-whatchamacallit."

	"The Mary Sue of whatever story they're going to write about us in a
dozen years when this is all over?" Ami inquired.

	Terra looked confused.  "The who in the what now?"

	Ami cleared her voice box and explained, "Some hack fiction writers
tend to make a few 'all-knowing, all-loved, and all-powerful'
characters.  The writer crafts her story so that things always go this
character's way, and as such the story tends to end up a bit bland
because of the lack of true worry or conflict.  These story-destroying
characters have tended to become known as 'Mary Sues' because one of
the first recorded characters of these types was, in fact, named 'Mary
Sue'."

	"Mary Sue, huh?" the Irish girl slurred as she wiped the syrup off
her face with a sleeve, raising Rei's hackles a little bit.  "You
Japanese people sure have strange names."

	Ami coughed and shook her head at the statement.  "I believe the
term's origin came from an English-speaking country.  I wouldn't
discount Ireland as a possibility."

	"How do you know so much about fiction characters and stuff?" Usagi
asked.  "Are you a writer?"

	Ami smiled slightly.  "Why, yes, I have dabbled a little."  She
pushed her computer over so the others could view the screen and
brought up a page of text.  "Would you like to see?"

	"Wow!  Ami-chan really is a great writer!" Usagi squealed as she
paged through the document.  "This is neat!"

	"I will be studying to be a doctor, though," Ami said modestly.
"However, one day, I imagine perhaps gaining more fame though the
works I write."

	Terra took the computer as it went by and skimmed through it.  "Oh,
cool.  It's about a socially inept android girl named Vicki.  Grammar
looks good, spelling's perfect..."  She trailed off when a memory
stirred from her childhood.  "Wait a second.  This is Small Wonder fan
fiction!"

	Ami's eyes widened.  "You know the series?"

	"Uhh, yeah," Terra said, gingerly pushing the machine away as if it
were covered in slimy goo.  "My family had a satellite dish, so we got
some foreign channels, and I think I saw some of it."

	"Excellent!  How many episodes did you see?"

	"I don't know.  Ten, maybe?"

	"Did you like it?"

	"When I was six, yeah, I think I liked it."

	"I have great hopes for this story I'm writing," Ami said with more
than a hint of excitement.  "Perhaps I shall become a renowned
novelist!"

	"Ami," Terra said levelly, "this isn't even an original story.
You're writing Small Wonder fan fiction!"

	"Is there something wrong with that?"

	"Yes!  Don't you see?!  It's... Small Wonder fan fiction!  You're
making a novel from a barely mediocre eighties American sitcom.  Ew!"

	Ami took her computer back, shut it loudly, and glared at her in a
manner that virtually screamed, "We are no longer friends."  Sparks
seemed to flare between them as Terra returned her gaze, despite any
fatigue.  Neither party seemed willing to back down.

	"So," Usagi interjected, desperate to stop the almost inevitable
violence.  "Um, by the way, what are we going to do to... get
Rei-chan's grandpa back from the Dark Kingdom?"

	That seemed to break the tension.  Everyone, especially Rei, sagged
at the recollection that they still had other more important
responsibilities to attend to besides their own tastes in
entertainment.

	"Yeah, what DO we do about that, anyway?" Terra wondered.  She
grabbed a pair of chopsticks and fumbled around with them in an effort
to lift pieces of pancake into her mouth.  She had relatively little
success.

	Rei looked down.  "As annoying as he is, I really miss him."

	"We could find out how to get into the Dark Kingdom, then raid the
place," Makoto suggested.

	"We would have to be very cautious if we did that," Luna said.  "They
likely have hundreds of youma roaming around."

	"Millions of buggers and foozles," Terra muttered nonsensically as
bits of her breakfast fell into her lap.  "Blastwaves, I say!"

	"A proper strategy would help," Ami agreed with Luna.  "But first, we
would need to know where they're coming from.  Are they using some
kind of portal, or teleporting directly to and from their realm?"

	"How would we even figure that out?" Usagi wondered.

	"We'll have to wait for the next attack," Rei supposed.

	"Bait and switch," Terra whispered disappointedly when she discovered
the presence of walnuts in her food.

	"Maybe there's some way to lure them out," Ami suggested.  "After
all, we have something they want."

	"And we want to keep it from them," Luna reminded her.

	"And where's Tuxedo Kamen?" lamented Terra.  "I want my Tuxedo Kamen."

	"Whatever we do, we'll need all the help we can get," Makoto said.
"Too bad Tuxedo Kamen had to rush off after we helped bandage him up.
Did we even get his phone number?"

	"I like plums," Terra said, seemingly to herself.

	"I'm hungry," complained Usagi.

	"But you just ate a huge stack of pancakes!" protested Rei.

	"Well yeah," said Usagi, "but just a second ago, I got really hungry again."

	"Nuclear weapons," Terra added as if speaking to her pancakes.  "It's
the only option."

	"Y'know, it's too bad we can't get some real military help with these
youma," Makoto said.

	Terra sighed and sipped her juice.  "I could really use some milk."

	"Milk sounds good," Ami agreed, then stopped.  "Wait.  No, it
doesn't.  I'm lactose intolerant!"

	Rei looked back and forth between everyone, and noted that for some
reason, they had adopted some of Terra's mannerisms.  Usagi, who sat
closest to Terra, had hunched over the table in a similar manner to
the redhead's eating posture.  "Ahh, Terra-chan, are you influencing
people on a subconscious level?"

	Terra stopped and glanced up at her.  "Uh, no.  Why would I do a
thing like that?"  She paused, then shrugged.  "Or how, for that
matter?  You must be imagining things."

	The miko shook her head, her eyes losing focus.  "Oh, right, I must
have been imagining things."

	The Irish girl nodded.  "I'm just trying to eat breakfast here."

	"You can eat your breakfast there."

	Terra threw her hands up impatiently.  "C'mon, I'm not the crazy
gaijin you think I am."

	"You're not the crazy gaijin I think you are."

	"Thanks, now let's move along."

	"Yeah, move along, move a--Hey!"  Rei finally caught herself, snapped
out of it, and pointed an accusing finger at whom she perceived as the
culprit.  "Stop that!  You're doing it again!"

	Terra blinked blearily at her.  "Doing what again?"

	"Some kind of mind trick!"

	"I have no idea what you're talking about, Rei."

	Luna hopped up on the table and looked into Terra's eyes.  "No," the
cat said, "I think she's on to something here.  Terra-chan?  I want
you to try to influence me to do something I wouldn't ordinarily do."

	"I'd rather finish breakfast first," Terra replied with more than a
little forcefulness before returning to poking at her pancakes with
her chopsticks.

	Luna's eyes glazed over and she turned away.  "Oh, then finish your
breakfast first."  A moment later, she stopped.  "That's it!"  She
returned to face everyone.  "I really, really wanted her to
demonstrate, but she made me turn away and I very nearly forget about
it!"

	"Neat!" Usagi giggled.  "Terra-chan's got psychic powers!"

	Terra raised an eyebrow.  "I do?"

	Makoto nodded slowly.  "It sure looks like it."

	Usagi took Terra around the shoulders and pointed at Rei.  "Ooh!
I've got an idea.  Make Rei-chan say she'll give me all her manga!"
But then Rei rushed over and tackled the blonde.

	"Oh no, you don't!" Rei half-yelled.  "Terra-chan, make Usagi say
she'll stop being such a ditzy odango-for-brains!"

	"Reeei-chaaan!" Usagi cried.

	After the two broke off from their wrestling match, they started
chasing each other around the room, taunting each other.

	"Heh," laughed Makoto.  "I don't know, being able to influence people
might be a fun thing to have."

	"What I don't get, though," Ami said, "was how she came to have those
powers in the first place."

	"Think back," Luna said to Terra.  "When do you usually start being
able to use your powers, or when do you discover new ones?"

	"You mean," Terra considered, "like after everyone died and I was
able to reverse time?  Or like when I had that snake-thing torn out of
my head, then I started being able to heal up fast?"

	Luna nodded.  "Or after you and Sailor Jupiter had a fight."

	The girl's eyes widened when realization hit.

	"So what you're saying is," Terra said, "to use my powers I have to
get beat up?"

	"Sailor powers tend to have an emotional element to them," Luna said.
 "I think it may perhaps be each time you experience some profound
mental anguish."

	"My goodness, I must be blind," Ami commented with respect the sudden
obviousness of the mystery behind her friend's powers.  "Of course,
that has to be it!"  She started typing frantically on her laptop.

	"I need to feel emotional grief to be useful?!" Terra asked incredulously.

	Luna nodded.  "Yes, something very traumatic."

	"No pain, no gain," Makoto said with a shrug.

	Suddenly, Terra's expression hardened and became very determined.  "I
WANT those powers, and I want them NOW."  She took a deep breath and
looked at the tall brunette.  "Lita, I have a big favor to ask.  Can
you please beat me up as hard as you can?"

	Makoto grinned and cracked her knuckles.  "You don't have to tell ME
twice!"  She lunged at the Irish girl with a swift blow to the solar
plexus, then followed up with a hard uppercut to the chin and a blow
to the mouth, loving every second of it.  By then, Terra was waving
frantically for her to stop.

	"That's enough!  That's enough!" Terra coughed, blood dripping from her mouth.

	Makoto frowned and backed off.  "But you said--"

	"Don't mind what I said," Terra shot back hurriedly.

	Luna winced.  "I... think it only works when you've transformed."
She thought about that.  "On the other hand, you were using telepathy
a moment ago, so maybe there's something else to it."

	Ami shook her head at the sight, while Rei and Usagi stopped
squabbling when the door slid open.  Kasumi Incognita came in, smiling
brightly and carrying a large tray of pancakes.  "You seemed to like
them so much, I made more--OH MY!"  She dropped the tray in shock.

	"Mom!  Whashyoudoin'here?!" Terra slurred through her rapidly swelling jaw.

	"What happened?!" Terra's mother asked in abject shock.

	Makoto hid her red-splashed hands behind her back and whistled
innocently while Kasumi went nuts.

---

	Whether it was fatigue from the previous night's battle or massive
internal bleeding, Terra couldn't tell, but she felt tired, weak,
frail, and otherwise kaput.  She didn't resist when her mother hauled
her into the bathroom and got to work on cleaning her damaged face and
jaw.  It hurt to talk with her cheeks so swollen, so she couldn't give
any straight answers.

	Makoto apparently didn't want a mother's wrath poured out upon her,
so the tall girl explained briefly that the redhead had taken a nasty
fall.  When asked to confirm the story, Terra merely nodded.  While
Makoto didn't want to suffer any vengeful motherly harm, Terra didn't
particularly want to get yelled at for requesting such a stupid thing,
either.

	On the other hand, Terra thought, Mom doesn't yell; she just looks at
people in a very concerned manner with her head tilted and her hand on
her cheek.  Still, she'd probably get upset in that very special way
she always does.

	While Terra may have only recently acquired psychic powers, her
mother always had her own kind of voodoo mind control.  The mere
thought of her mom looking at her like that, disappointed or sad,
filled her with indescribable shame.  Like now, for example, as Kasumi
treated her bruises, she had that same concerned motherly look on her
face which could melt the heart of anyone who saw it.

	Kasumi had secured some ice from the kitchen and was using it to help
reduce the swelling.  "Why did you ask your friend to hit you?" she
asked.

	"But... I didn't tell you about that," Terra replied in surprise
while moving her jaw as little as possible.

	"Usagi told me," Kasumi explained.

	"She would," the girl muttered.

	"And besides, it was rather obvious.  So, tell me why."

	"I thought it'd give me magical powers."

	"You thought being badly injured would give you magical powers?
Terra, I thought you had gotten past that naive stage of your life."

	"Yeah, well, the evidence was pretty downright compelling."

	"Tell me."

	Over the course of ten minutes, Terra explained the circumstances
behind the pain-equals-gain extrapolation.  Since her mother already
knew about the part-time sailor-suited-warrior-for-love-and-justice
thing, there was little point in holding anything back.

	"I see," Kasumi said pleasantly when her daughter had finished.
"Have you thought of finding a way to use your magic powers that
doesn't involve you getting hurt?"

	Terra held her hands up helplessly.  "Mom, I'd love to find a way,
but I don't even know where to begin."

	"Think about it," Kasumi advised.

	"I HAVE been thinking about it," Terra replied, then trailed off.
Wait, she thought, HAVE I been thinking about it?  "That's it!  I'll
think about it!  Brilliant!"  She tapped her knuckles lightly against
her forehead and said, "Okay, mind, tell me how to use my powers
without getting hurt."

	A set of diagrams appeared in Terra's mind, detailing what she had
been feeling and what she had done to use any new abilities she
developed.  There were three kinds of energies involved, red, green,
and black.  She first felt the weakest, the red, when she first
transformed into a Sailor Soldier.  The green, by far the ickiest of
the three, had come when Arby made the cursed mushroom mark on her
neck.  Finally, she had experienced the black after all her friends
had died, and enabled her to manipulate time.

	"But what are those?"

	The red was innate power, and had grown considerably since the first
battle, but it was still comparatively weak.  The green was...
indescribable and now permeated her entire body, whatever it was, but
focused at the mark on her neck.  The black felt like something very
close to the girl's darker emotions: sadness, frustration, agony, and
even anger, but there was something beyond that which she couldn't
quite place.

	In essence, using specific abilities mostly had to do with properly
focusing her emotions.  If she wanted to use them, she had to be clear
and without doubt.  Her grip on any useful powers was too tenuous for
anything less than absolute concentration.  If she had a proper wand,
that would make things a lot easier for using anything in the red
category, but the more intense black stuff still required an enhanced
mental state to employ.

	"Wow, I didn't know that; that's a good analysis," Terra whispered to
herself.  "If you can do that, mind, how about telling me how I can
get Tuxedo Kamen to go head over heels over me?"

	Tie a rope, said her mind, to your and his ankles, and roll down a
hill.  Terra frowned at the response her mind supplied.  "Hey!  That's
not what I meant.  I want him to fall in love with me."

	Figure it out yourself.

	"But... you're my mind!  You're supposed to help me."

	Forget it.

	"Terra?" Kasumi interrupted the girl's musings after watching her in
concern for several minutes.  "Who are you talking to?"

	The Irish girl looked up at her mother.  "Hmm?  Eh, just talking to
myself.  If I ask my mind questions, it usually has some good
answers."

	"Oh."  Kasumi raised an eyebrow, but then resumed her normal happy
attitude.  "That's very nice.  You should ask it things more often.
How about asking it how you can heal yourself?"

	Terra was taken aback.  "Oh, that would never work.  It's too easy!"

	"Try it."

	"Okay.  Hmm, mind, how do I heal myself?"

	The green energy, her mind replied, was what had healed her before,
but it functioned on its own; she had no control over it.  It wasn't
any good anymore.  In fact, whatever the green was doing seemed to
slow her natural healing process, and could possibly be having more
deleterious effects.  No, best not pursue the powers of the cursed
mushroom mark.  The black energy didn't seem the sort to be useful for
bodily repair, though it could help her in the event that her body was
too damaged to move on its own, such as during the time flux event at
the airport.  That left the weaker red energy, but it needed a focus
of some kind, and she would still have to figure out an energy pattern
that worked for healing.

	The pattern appeared in Terra's mind, along with usage instructions
and how it applied to the red power.

	"Oh, so it IS that easy," said Terra after a while.  "I wonder why I
hadn't thought of it before."

	"You know how now?" Kasumi inquired hopefully.

	Terra nodded.  "Yup!  Now, it'd sure be nice if I had a wand or
something to help me focus."

	"In that case, could this work?"  Her mother pulled out a
foot-and-a-half-long scepter with a pink handle, a red top, a crescent
moon, and some gold wing-things.

	The girl took it.  "Yes!  Perfect!"  Still seated, she twirled it
around between her fingers, waved it left and right, then finally
clasped it tightly in both hands.  "Omega Sailor Recovery!"

	Terra felt a burst of warmth flow through her body, her vision cut
out for a second, and then she found herself standing in front of her
mother, completely healed and wearing her Sailor Chibimoon outfit.
Breathing a sigh of relief, she deactivated the sailor suit and ended
up back in Rei's borrowed pajamas.  In a moment, she discovered her
clothes were absolutely clean, as was her hair and the rest of her
body.

	"Wow, hehehe," Terra half-laughed, half-giggled while trembling from
the sudden power rush.  "Hehehehehee.  Better than a warm shower.
Heh."

	Rei dashed in.  "What in the world?!  Is something--"  She saw Terra.
 "Oh.  It looks like you figured out how to heal yourself?"

	The redhead nodded emphatically, still shaking as if she'd taken a
huge hit of an illegal substance.  "Hoo-yeah!  And I figured out how
to use my powers.  Well, some of 'em, actually.  Look!  I know how to
control minds."  She waved her magic wand in front of Rei's face.
"You want to dance around like a giant chicken!"

	Rei started to move, but caught herself, and with every ounce of her
will, replied, "No, I--BACOKK!"  She covered her mouth and glared at
Terra.  "Stop that!"

	"Heheheh-hee," Terra giggled, and rushed out into the room where the
other girls were seated.  Waving her hands, she declared, "You are all
now my faithful and loyal servants!  Bow before me!
Bwa-hah-ha-haaaa!"

	Makoto, wearing a big tinfoil hat, looked up at her.  "Oh, hi,
Terra-chan.  Looks like you're feeling better."

	"Hmm-hmm!" Usagi agreed with a hearty nod, her odangos bouncing up
and down under their thin metallic covering.

	Ami, also wearing a tinfoil hat, smiled broadly while doing an
analysis on her computer.  "It looks like I was right.  A small
Faraday cage WILL block the psychic mind-control waves."

	"Terra," Kasumi called from the other room, "please stop abusing your
new psychic powers.  I mean, what would the neighbors say?"

	Terra sighed and her shoulders slumped.  "Aw, you guys are no fun."

---

	By the time everyone settled down, Kasumi had brought in another
round of pancakes.  She even gave Terra a knife and fork so she could
eat them in a more efficient manner.

	"Mm, these are great, Mom," Terra said after she finished her first
couple of bites.

	"I'm glad you like them," Kasumi beamed, looking positively
resplendent with her own tinfoil hat.

	"You know," Luna said, her ears covered in foil, "all that's been
going on this morning is giving me a plan for how we could get back
the rest of the Rainbow Crystals."

	Usagi looked down at her.  "Really?"

	The cat nodded.  "Yes!  As well as save everyone that's been
captured, including Rei's grandfather."

	"Cool!"

	"As we've found out all too well, we've lacked any real advantage
against the Dark Kingdom.  However, when things are at their darkest,
one person always comes through."

	"The Star Light Knight!" Usagi squealed, hopping upwards.

	"Actually, I think she was referring to Terra-chan," Ami corrected.

	Usagi dropped back down.  "Oh, right."

	"Correct," Luna said.  "Right now, she has the ability to manipulate
others' minds, and I suspect this would work on the Dark Kingdom's
generals as well."

	"Ya think?" Terra wondered.

	"It's worth a try," Rei said, tightening her particularly thick
tinfoil hat.  "Especially if it means getting Grandpa back."

	"So what's she supposed to do?" asked Makoto.  "I mean, it's not like
we just send her up to tell the general to give us the crystals back,
is it?"

	"Actually, it's a lot like that," replied Luna.

	Terra burst into laughter, getting milk up her nose and spewing it
all over the place.  "Oh, that's a good one, guys!  I can just picture
it!  'Hey, give us our crystals back.'"  Her expression turned dour.
"Then I get a big energy beam through my skull when he snaps out of it
a second later.  I'm going to die again, guys, I just KNOW I'm going
to die again if we try anything like that."

	Kasumi, humming to herself, instantly sprang into action with a paper
towel, wiping off her daughter and cleaning the sprayed areas and
people, including Rei and Ami.

	"ACK!  My fanfic!" Ami cried, frantically trying to get the liquid
off her laptop before it started to seep in.

	Makoto leaned forward.  "Can't you do something to, like, make the
control last longer?"

	"Hmm."  Terra thought about it.  "Yes, it might be possible," she
said, and held her wand aloft, "if I use THIS!"

	Luna and the girls stared at it blankly.

	"A plastic toy wand?" Rei deadpanned.

	It was Usagi's turn to burst out laughing.  "Woahohoh!  That's funny,
Terra-chan!"

	"What?!" Terra nearly shouted.  "No, it's a Mystical Magical Cutey
Moon Rod or something."  But when she actually looked at it, she
discovered that it was indeed hollow and made of plastic.  Looking
closely, she saw a TOMY logo.  "What the hey...?"

	"I got it for her at Toys R Us," Kasumi explained brightly.

	"Right," Terra said disbelievingly as she stared at her mother, "and
Ami got her computer at Radio Shack.  And I'm Princess Terra of the
GOSH DARN *MUSHROOM* KINGDOM!!  What did you do with the wand that I
had, Mom?  You must have swapped it out or something."

	"Silly!"  Kasumi appeared somewhat amused. "That _was_ the wand I
gave you," she insisted.

	"And I did get this at Radio Shack," Ami said, pointing at her
laptop.  "Luna only helped me upgrade it."

	"Oh," Terra said, and put aside the toy.  "I guess I won't be needing
this, then."  Something occurred to her.  "Hey, why is my mom here,
anyway?"

	"We called her up so she wouldn't worry," Usagi said.

	"You actually called her?"

	"Of course we called your mother," Rei said.  "What kind of
insensitive creeps do you think we are?  She insisted on coming over,
and since you already told her everything, we couldn't convince her
not to come."

	"Actually," Makoto added, "we called everyone's parents and said we
were having a sleepover over here.  And I guess we were; we just
didn't tell them we were fighting youma just before."

	"Why not tell them the whole truth?" Terra asked.

	"It would cause too many problems," Makoto replied.

	"So says the girl who doesn't HAVE any parents."

	"THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP SUCH A PAINFUL SUBJECT!" Makoto growled
while glaring at the redhead.  "Rub it in anymore and you're going
back to the hospital... IN A BAG THIS TIME!"

	"Oh my," blushed Kasumi.  "I'm sure there's no need for that."

	"Heal your way out of THIS one, Red," the brunette said darkly.

	"We have our reasons for not telling our parents," Ami said while
she, Kasumi, and Rei worked to hold back Makoto's lunge.

	Terra shrugged while being careful to stay out of the angry girl's
range.  "It works fine for me."

	"Yes, but you're weird," summarized Ami.

	"And you're not?"

	"No, not compared to you, I wouldn't say."

	"Hey, I'm not the only one with strange characteristics."  Terra
glanced sideways at Ami while downing her last pancake.  "I mean...
Small Wonder fan fiction?!"

	Ami wasn't the pouting sort, but she nonetheless managed to do so
now.  "Yes!  Small Wonder fan fiction.  Do you HAVE to make it sound
so trite?"  She took a deep breath and regained her composure after
the outburst.  Makoto finally calmed down as well.  "Back on the
subject at hand, the next time we encounter the generals, we can have
Terra-chan influence them into either giving us back the crystals, or
allowing us enough of a distraction so we can defeat them."

	Luna nodded along while Ami made her suggestion.  "That's actually a
very good idea."

	"And if there's more than one of them?" Terra asked.  "If I have to
do some kind of area-effect brain scramble, won't you all be affected,
too?"

	"No," Rei said, "we'll all wear these tinfoil hats."

	"Brilliant!" Terra exclaimed, slapping her hand against the table.
"We'll whack those Negamafoozles like there's no next Tuesday!"

	"Yeah," Usagi agreed.  "Now, we just have to wait for another chance
to go up against the Dark Kingdom."

	"I wonder when that'll happen," pondered Makoto.

	Right about then, the sky outside darkened somewhat.  Kasumi went to
the closed window and looked out.  "Oh my," she said, and motioned for
the others to come over.  "I think it's for you."  She slid the glass
pane aside, allowing a previously muffled noise to come in loud and
clear.

	"--and I commend you, Sailor Soldiers, for putting up such a valiant struggle."

	"Sounds like Kunzite," Makoto whispered.

	Everyone went to the window, and indeed, a huge image of the Fourth
General glowed high in the clouds.

	"But you cannot win," Kunzite continued.  "Already, we've slain the
Soldier of Venus as well as her companion.  You will be next.  Apart
from you, a handful, you have no friends.  We lead legions upon
legions of powerful youma, and we will win.  However, we may spare...
most of your lives, if you turn over the seventh Rainbow Crystal."

	"Double-paned windows?" asked Ami, examining the layered glass.

	Rei shrugged.  "Grandpa liked his peace and quiet."

	Kunzite paused as if listening to someone.  "Yes, we require the
seventh Rainbow Crystal, as well as that annoying member of yours,
Sailor Chibimoon.  We will exterminate her upon delivery.  The rest of
you will no longer be of any consequence to us, once we have the whole
crystal reunited."

	"What did he say?!" Rei half-yelled in befuddlement.

	Ami stared.  "They just declared war on Sailor Chibimoon!"

	"And they don't think the rest of us are a threat," Makoto noted, and
punched Terra playfully in the arm.  "Way to go, Terra!"

	Terra's mouth fell open.  "Oh, how... lovely."

	Kunzite continued his speech.  "Meet us at the Starlight Tower
tonight, at... let's say two hours before midnight.  Bring us the
crystal and Chibimoon, and we will spare your lives."  Again, he
looked like he was listening to someone.  "Oh, right.  And all
ArbyFish are expressly not invited.  Again, at the top of Starlight
Tower, two hours before midnight."

	The Fourth General's image faded from the clouds, and the sky's
brightness returned.

	"Excellent," Luna said.  "We can follow the plan exactly like Ami-chan said."

	All the girls looked at her.  "We can?" they asked.

	"Yes.  We'll send Terra in with the Rainbow Crystal, have her use her
powers on the generals, then the rest of you can come in during the
next phase of the plan."

	Rei nodded.  "It works for me, but we'll be walking into an obvious
trap, just like last time."

	"No, not like last time," Makoto cut in.  "This time, we're setting
up a trap of our own."

	"Great!" Terra said sarcastically.  "Now I'm a landmine."

	"Not just any landmine," Usagi said.  "A mind-controlling landmine!"

	"If it's okay with your mother, that is," Luna said, nodding towards Kasumi.

	"Oh my," said Kasumi with a start, "this is going to be dangerous, isn't it?"

	"Mom, please, can I?" pleaded Terra.  "I mean, when else am I going
to get as good a chance to save the world?"

	"Have you done all your homework?" her mother asked.

	"Um, no," Terra mumbled.

	"Well, I can't very well let you go off saving the world if you
haven't finished your homework," Kasumi said, with some firmness.

	"I'll finish my homework before I go," Terra insisted.

	"All right," Kasumi continued with a nod, "finish your homework and
we'll talk about it some more."

---

	"Ey!" Arby said as he watched Kunzite finish his speech.  "Not
invoited?!"  He put on his derby hat and stood up straight.  "'Spose
Oye gotta bring th' door proize, then."

	The ArbyFish threw his mallet over his shoulder and briskly hopped
off towards the Starlight Tower.

---

	On a hill towards the outskirts of Tokyo, the Star Light Knight
chuckled to himself when the message from one of the head
Negamafoozles ended.  "Kunzie wants another chance to beat the gals,
huh?"

	"Yeah, they're like that," he replied.

	"You don't think they'll actually manage to kill our core being this
time, do you?"

	S.L.K. shook his head.  "Nah, I'll be there to protect her."

	"The generals are very powerful," he advised himself.  "And non-magic
technology doesn't work against them.  You have to be magic to do them
harm."

	"That shouldn't be a problem."  S.L.K. looked at his newly built
mechanical hand, in the middle of which was imbedded a glowing
multifaceted white crystal.  "Not now that I have my very own Phantom
Silver Ginzuishou Crystal of the Imperium to fight with.  Its power
now energizes my entire body, and then some."

	He flexed his hand and let the power flow through him.  "Oh yeah,
that's the stuff!  This old clunker of a robot body really needed the
boost."

	"Make a few Rainbow Crystal copies, and they look as good as the
originals.  I only needed a few seconds' contact with each to make
them, and perform the switch.  But I had several days to get ready for
this."

	"Took all my reserves, but it was worth it.  Man, was it worth it."

	"In any case," he whispered, "what comes next'll be an awesome
battle.  Perhaps... perhaps even when I can reunite with her."

---

	On that same hill, in the concealing shade of the trees, another
individual approached the metallic man from behind.  She--definitely a
she, no mistake about that, from the miniskirted outfit--hesitated,
but apparently wanted to approach him.

	"Da--" she began to whisper, then stopped and shook her head.  "No,
no longer.  My destiny is a different one."  The young woman
straightened and headed towards him.  "Former Fleet Supreme Commander
'Tom," she called in a formal tone.  "Now known to the world as the
Star Light Knight?"

	S.L.K. turned around with a start, mildly surprised.  "Who wants to
know?" he inquired.  "Another one of those Sailor girls?"

	"That's not important," the young woman replied quickly.  "But I am
the bearer of bad news."

	"Oh yeah?"

	"Yes," the girl said.  A breeze parted the shade enough for S.L.K. to
see her hip-length blonde hair, accented with stylish bangs and orange
highlights.  "I regret to say it, but I must inform you.  Your
daughter is dead."

	S.L.K. stared at her.  "I have a daughter?!"

	The girl laughed bitterly.  "No, I suppose you don't, not anymore."
Her voice was full of sadness, as if at any moment she might break
down and cry. "Goodbye... Star Light Knight."  She dashed off,
disappearing entirely.

	"Hey, hold up!" S.L.K. called after her, and attempted pursuit, but
she was gone.  He eventually gave up.  "Aw, forget this.  I've got a
core being to protect!"

	The Star Light Knight headed off towards the tower.

---End of Chapter 13

And now it's time for... MIND YOUR MANNERS!!! with Sailor Nuke.

Sailor Nuke:  Today, we learned that the best way to make friends...

(Scene of Terra and Makoto squabbling)

Sailor Nuke:  ...is to pick fights with 'em!

(Ami, Kasumi, and Rei have to hold Makoto back to keep her from killing Terra.)

Sailor Nuke:  They'll thank ya for it afterwards.

(Terra looks all weak and helpless after she gets up)

Sailor Kawaii:  On the other hand, nothing says lovin' like getting a
little bit of sympathy from your friends.

(Terra cries out her depressions while her friends try to comfort her)

Sailor Kawaii:  Don't be afraid to show your tender side.

(Terra's crazed from performing the Omega Sailor Recovery)

Sailor Nuke:  But don't REALLY let 'em get to you when you're down.
Be strong, be tough, and show some spunk!  Sailor Nuke sez.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

(Kasumi looks all worried at her daughter)

Sailor Kawaii:  And make sure you look good while you're doing it.
Sailor Kawaii says.  Tee-hee!

-- 
Benjamin A Oliver
[email-masked]

Technical Writer / Translator
M3 Engineering & Technology

Master of Science in Management Information Systems
Eller College of Management
University of Arizona

Writings: Fan Fiction
http://boliver.florestica.com/

Webcomic: Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!! The Early Years
http://nettg.com

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---

From: "Benjamin A. Oliver" <[email-masked]>
Date: Fri, 27 Apr 2007 22:08:50 -0700

In reply to Abdiel's review, crossposted with the Google Groups FFML.

http://groups.google.com/group/ffml?hl=en

Yaaaay review!!! :D

I really appreciate getting these.  Thanks!

Let's 'ave a look at the comments, shall we?

On 4/27/07, Abdiel <[email-masked]> wrote:
> Disclaimer: Brian Randall thinks I do C&C EULAs. He's probably right.

By reading this C&C, you agree to abide by the following:

The below C&C is provided to you AS IS and WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY.  You
agree to indemnify and acknowledge that the C&Cer will be held
blameless for any damage resulting to including but not limited to 1)
your mind, 2) the quality of your work, 3) your desire to continue
writing the C&Ced work.  You acknowledge that these comments do not
belong to you, but rather that the comments are licensed to you for a
limited one-chapter period.  If at any time you disagree with these
comments, this license is revoked and you must permanently delete all
chapters, spamfics, and storylines from which edits based upon this
C&C were made.

[I agree to this License] (Continue Reading)
[I do not agree to this License] (Close and delete email application)

Well........................... with people who you know that are
going to take the C&C well, no need to have a huge disclaimer up
front.  With people whom you know have thin skins and can't take a
beating, you might want to try and soothe them and let them know
you're not the definitive last work on these things.

> Disclaimer to the disclaimer: Brian Randall was not hurt during the making of
> the above disclaimer.

Ah, but did he have to climb to the tallest mountain and cut down the
tallest tree in the forest with a herring in order to read his C&C? :D

> Oh, and oftentimes I'll rant. God generally doesn't.

^_^ But when he does, hoo-boy, be ready for some hurtin'!

> Once more unto the breach, dear friends...

Abdiel vs. Ben Oliver!  Round 13, fight!  Who will survive?  The
suspense, the chaos, the rampage!  Oh, the
inhumanity!111!!!!!!!111oneoneoneone ;)

> On 4/14/07, Benjamin A. Oliver <[email-masked]> wrote:
>
> You also have a tendency to rant, I see. God would be proud. ^_^

I do my best. ^_^

> So it's Ronin Summer, Convergence applied for the NETTG Universe, eh? Seriously
> though, (and this is only my opinion, of course) that NETTG has run its course
> and it's about time you gave it a proper ending. Or a cliffhanger, Ranma 1/2
> 'life goes on' type of ending. Or something. Resolution of plot helps in
> ushering in the new and moving on with other projects to also finish,
> methinks... but if you believe that NETTG classic still has some life left in
> it whenever you decide to get back to it, I'll be looking forward to it. Thing
> is, you have so much on your fandom plate that it'd be best if you finish your
> beans first before moving on with dessert.

Heh... yeah, I do have a lot on my plate.  A quick list...

NETTG Classic
NETTG: TEY (webcomic, bottlenecked at artist)
Going At It Like Rabbits!!!
Heart of Sugar
Codename: Project Sailor Stylin

And three of them are NETTG-related.  Perhaps I shall have to make a
big endgame kind of arc and get on with it. ^^

But the main reason why, even now, 10 years after starting, is that
there are a few people who are asking for more.  Esa, my Finnish
artist friend is a big factor in that.  I want art, he wants story,
and... it's a vicious cycle.  It won't be over till it's over.

The thing about TinT was that I didn't feel up to working on any other
projects for the longest time, like after I started my business degree
and didn't have time to do a whole bunch.  And now that degree's done
and I'm working.  So the time is there; it's all about motivation now.
 Besides, I've got about 100k of Chapter 11 text written up.  It'd be
an awful shame if I never released it to anybody. ^_^

> I have a theory, and it's just a theory, mind you... but your revelation that
> this is a finished fic may have ruined it for some readers. Readers who would
> rather, say, have you finish NETTG Classic instead. Readers who'd rather read a
> story whose plot/backbone can be shaped according to their feedback just short
> of writing improfanfic. I understand that you intend feedback to shape this fic
> as well, but by how much? It's already finished, you see.

I can understand that sentiment.  On the other hand, why provide
commentary to an unfinished story that may or may not ever get done?
What if one's scathing commentary does not inspire an author to
continue, but rather simply kills the author's desire to work on the
story, so they go off and become accountants and used dinnerware
salesmen and stuff instead?

Perhaps it's both the, "Why should I comment if it's already done?"
and "Why should I comment if you're never gonna finish no matter how
much I urge you to?" attitudes that have helped limit the amount of
commentary in the FFML as of late.  There's no way even the most
heavy-handed of moderation could kill 98% of comments if there was a
bursting desire of readers to post public comments.

> It's not the case for me personally, but I have the feeling that's the general
> consensus of you other readers, since I'm so presumptuous and all.

Well... it's a give and take situation.  But in all honesty, TinT as a
whole has gotten as much if not more commentary as anything else on
the FFML at this point.  So I have no complaints.  And those comments
have translated to edits to the story and for ideas on how to change
and adapt the story progression.  Besides, being asked to flesh out
certain characters helps direct things and make them better.  And the
ending is still in flux because three out of three pre-reviewers
strongly disliked it.

...but it does have an ending and it is "done," from a certain point
of view.  :D

> (nods) You won't go wrong with trusting in Larry F's feedback.

He does a good job.

> We'll see... ;) I have faith in you because of your good GR Batting Rate, and
> who knows? Maybe you'll get the typo-rate of one Rebecca Thornton.

^_^

Well, I've accepted the fact that I'll never have a perfect fanfic,
for the simple thing that English oftentimes has conflicting grammar
rules; obey one, you're disobeying another.  But I can drive down the
grammar errors as well as typos.  Takes time and multiple proofreading
passes, though.

> Hmmm... 'We couldn't hardly do anything!' sounds like a double negative to my
> ears. Let's check...
>
> could not hardly (could is negated by 'not' and 'hardly' also negates 'could',
> but 'hardly' kind of negates 'not', thusly creating the double negative, i.e.
> affirmative saying)
>
> But since a character that's not Ami said it, I'll let it slide. Still, I took
> note of it for, well, notary purposes... >_>

Quite the notary purposes! ^_^

Sometimes, what may on the surface appears to be double negatives is
in fact being used to emphasize the negativity of the situation.  "We
couldn't hardly do anything at all!" means that very little action was
possible.  In usage, it is overall correct in dialogue.  I would not
use such terminology in narration, however.

Rei, Makoto, or Usagi saying it would not have caused problems.  Ami,
though.... For the bookish types who even use contractions sparingly,
it would be inappropriate.

> Nitpick: If it's light-red, then shouldn't it simply be referred to as 'pink'?

"Yew have been charged with committing Pink!  How do you plead?"

"Um, not guilty?"

"Wrong!  On ya knees!"

*BZZZRRTT!*

Light red isn't exactly pink.

Note the hues on this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red

Red comes in many hues, and yet it is never pink.  Pink, on the other hand...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pink

It has some additional color to it, tending more towards a light
purple or magenta rather than towards red.

But then, who am I to speak?  I am a mere man.  My spectrum is limited
to, like, 6 identifiable colors.  I have NO idea what Muave is, for
example.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mauve

Oh, interesting.  So it's a kind of really light purple.

> Heh. If Arby won't show up in this chapter, I bet that'll cut the number of
> Broken Grammar Rules in half. ;)

It will at least decrease the frequency of such illicit behavior! ;)

> > perfect grades in school or go out with a cute boyfriend.
>
> Somehow, I'm imagining an ending similar to Brad Bird's "Iron Giant".

^_^

A nice ending, isn't it?  Though it only works with non-humanlike
objects such as animals or robots.  Or midgets and hunchbacks.  See,
you have to be subhuman, like a bumbling nerdy scientist, to merit an
ending such as that.

What shall Terra get?

Commander Worf:  Hah!  If you are lucky... I WILL GIVE YOU AN HONORABLE DEATH!!!

> Why is she using a Mary Sue's typical pity-party speech? :P

To emphasize how much she truly sucks!!! :D

> Heh. Though that kind of sarcastic remark is something I'd peg the three other
> girls would say, with Rei leading the pack.

Usagi's known for a good quip now and again.  Mostly, it happens when
she's trying to meddle in someone else's relationships, but it's not
unheard of.

> Suggest: Makoto said --> Makoto pointed out (just to vary the 'said' speech
> indicator a bit)

Good idea.  Looks nicer like that.

	"Hey, we took down one of their generals," Makoto pointed out.  "At
least our team's still complete."

> Come to think of it, this 'powerful when it counts, a goof when it doesn't
> count' shtick of hers has made her an Usagi/protagonist replacement, almost.
> The same way Usagi acted as a Minako replacement all those years ago... Ah,
> memories. :P

Hee. ^_^

I like Minako.  She's crazy.  Needed her own series, really...

Well, we briefly tried "not powerful enough when it really counts,"
but then everyone died and we got a sad, depressing ending.  Then it
was all a dream.  But the dream was real.  And then... yeah.

We can make a 'fic's title character absolutely useless, but that's a
rough route too.  So, you have to balance it.  And that balancing act
is usually a matter of opinion.  I mean, we even got a few comments on
the fukufics forum to the effect that they thought Terra was having
too rough a time, and them wanting to spay Arby with fungicide for all
the mean things he did to her.

So... to some, a new overwhelming main character isn't necessarily a
bad thing.  A lot of people really love certain kinds of SIs as well.

For TinT?  I'm trying to balance it, with erring on the side of
detrimental and damaging flaws on Terra's part.  But I can't smash her
around forever.  Sooner or later, she's going to have to pick herself
up and play the heroine the story needs her to be.  Otherwise, why are
you reading about her?  Can just watch the old Sailor Moon subs if one
wants the story to remain the same... and even then, Usagi's the Mary
Sue of that story.  Title Character-itis indeed!  ^^

> See? Rei has the natural snark to pull off the 'Yeah, well, so does Luna,"
> punch line.

She does.  But Usagi is also playful enough to carry out the remark.

Hmm....................

I've evaluated the two options, and to me, leaving it as Usagi's
remark seems appropriate for having active participation from all
members of the group.  She does have the character traits capable of
carrying it out.  She ain't Princess Serenity yet. ^^

It's either cycle through the dialogue participants, or send them off
in the corner to play poker with Habberjug and Willywug!

"Blackjack!"

"Gin!"

"Royal Crumbcake!"

> Heh. Of course she'd brag. Never mind Mary Sue hypocrisy, go the Carrot route
> and simply brag about your accomplishments.

Oh, believe me, if she were humble about it, she'd be ten times worse
from a Mary Sue perspective.  Better that she brags and pays for it
later.  ^^

She has to take her lumps like everyone else in the series!  Doubly
so, since she's the new girl.

> On that note, Usagi is really a piece of work to not brag about her
> accomplishments as the saintly Princess Serenity.

I get the idea that she doesn't see herself as Princess Serenity that
often, like it's not on her mind that much.

> Usagi: (shrugs) Me as Princess Serenity is a whole other me altogether, so I'd
> feel guilty bragging about accomplishments which, I feel, wasn't of _my_ own
> doing.

Something like that. ^_^

Besides, if she started pulling the P.Serenity card, people would
start expecting more of her, and make her actually do her homework and
stuff.

> Hmmm. "And now's about when you talk" looks awkward. I think you meant "And
> now's about the time when you talk" or "And how's about the time when you (sans
> 'talk about how you')", correct me if I'm wrong. It's just that, as is, that
> sentence seems very awkward. Did you intend 'now's' to be 'how's' or just
> 'now's'?

It's another way of saying, "Now is approximately the time when you
speak of this matter."

Perhaps rephrasing it would work.

	"Yes," Rei said.  "And a dozen times after you asked that, you
started talking about how you manipulated time, traveled back, and
beat the four generals up with your bare hands, then saved us from
certain death.  Thank you.  We're very grateful!  Can we please get on
with our lives now?"

> Grammar Rule #74: Proofread carefully to avoid unintentional puns/homonym-type
> spilling mistakes because their usually hard to fined using a spellchecker.
>
> Or...
>
> Grammar Rule #38: Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Or...

Grammar Rule#X-TREEM: Read your dialogue aloud.  If your tongue trips
over it, expect people to ask, "Wha?"

> Matee: (Captain Planet) I always get this speech when we're on the plane. But I
> still feel so hollow... for someone who has the heart ring, I sure need some
> love.

Matee(holds out a severed heart): HEART!

http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=164

He can't shoot laser beams with his ring, so he thinks he's useless.

...

And yet, he is useless, because he's just the glue that sticks Captain
Planet together.  Short end of the stick indeed!  :D

He needs laser beams.

> > Kingdom.
> Usagi: Personally, I get freaked out whenever I go 'Princess Serenity' on our
> enemies; it's as if I turn into a different person altogether. It's still me,
> but it isn't somehow. It's cool that I save everybody and stuff, but I
> certainly won't wish for me to always be like that.

And yet she becomes Neo-Queen Serenity after that, never again to take
off the dress and those funny wing-things!  Mwahahaha!  You cannot
escape your destiny!

> Aw. You can't. Or else I certainly won't be reading this. ^_^

If I did that, this story would have been over ages ago. :D

It's the easy way to run something into the ground.  Unfortunately,
humans define stories by conflicts and resolutions.  Plus it has to be
believable in some fashion or another.

> Fourth Wall? What Fourth Wall? You mean these pieces of rubble and debris over
> here?

Okay, so it doesn't have to be believable. ^_^

This conversation was in the story way before you labeled Terra
Incognita as a Mary Sue.  It seemed appropriate to leave in.  And to
be honest, we were curious about what you'd say. ;)

Hey, fanfic characters can know about fanfic conventions, can't they?

...can't they?

> Ami: 'And Gary Kleppe can suck my--' Oh, my. Somebody vandalized the Wiki page
> again.

XD  I want to include that.

> Hmmm? Hackles? Nani desu ka?

Hackles desu!  Oishii desu yo!  Tabeteiruu!  *Munch*Munch*Munch*

To "raise one's hackles" is a figure of speech which means to incite
someone to anger, usually unintentionally.

> On that note, has there any been any self-insert/Mary Sue dojins in Japan? And
> who reads those things?

I wouldn't doubt it that there are.  There's ten kinds of doujinshi
for every other subject and theme.

> Rei: Mary Sue dojins? Well, does "Candy Candy" count? *da-dum-twish!*

^_^ I am thankfully, blissfully ignorant of this.

> If it's yaoi... then Ami's more fangirlish than I previously thought.

Oh, she's probably dabbled.  But that's in a protected folder.

Always the quiet ones... O_o

> Usagi: I haven't read any of it yet, but since it's so long and detailed, it
> must be good!

Arby(grabs your comment):  It's MOINE now!  (flutters off)

	"You think so?" Rei asked as the laptop passed her eyes.

	"Um, I haven't read any of it yet, but since it's so long and
detailed, it must be good!"

> (wince) I don't think even Ami is good enough to make fanfiction based on that
> series work. -_- Heck, this little skit is already stretching my patience, 'coz
> my suspension of disbelief already walked out on me.

Well, the scene would stretch anyone's patience, since it kind of
attacks fan fiction at its base.  I mean, at least Star Wars and Star
Trek fan fiction has the potential to be licensed and sold into books,
but Sailor Moon and Small Wonder 'fics?

As we all know, all writing is of no worth unless money can be
extracted from it somehow, right?

...

No, there are some of us who, at the very least, enjoy the practice
and the thought exercises and potentials explored.  But be warned.  To
an outsider, any one of our works can be viewed as potentially silly
and pointless as Ami's Small Wonder 'fics.

Oh, and the other line you suggested...

	"Do people, like, say good things about it?"

	"My reviews have been overwhelmingly positive so far," Ami replied
proudly.  Then she frowned and added out of the corner of her mouth,
"That Kleppe fellow, though.  For all I care, he can just--" She
looked at her computer. "Oh my!  Someone's vandalized the wiki page
again."  She hit a few keys and made a few clicks with the mouse
before returning the computer for her friends' perusal.  "There, that
has it."

	Terra took the computer as it went by and skimmed through Ami's
writings.  "Oh, cool.  It's about a socially inept android girl named
Vicki.  Grammar looks good, spelling's perfect..."  She trailed off
when a memory stirred from her childhood.  "Wait a second.  This is
Small Wonder fan fiction!"

> Methinks you're belaboring the joke at this point. Poor Ami, with her getting
> the short end of the stick in regards to her characterization.

We'd all like to brush this one under the rug... but Terra's being a
jerk and belaboring the point.  She's somewhat insensitive and
callous, really.

> Still, it kind of puts things in perspective, ne? How deluded fanfic writers
> are. :P

We live in a dream world... but it would be too painful to wake up...

Not without an international bestseller waiting to go to the publisher!! :D

> Oh dear, what might Japanese people think of Gaijin fans making stories out of
> their stories? Well, if Azhrael from Gaijinsmash.com could be believed, I don't
> think they care very much about other cultures, western ones in particular,
> very much.

They do assimilate bits and pieces of American and other culture as
they come their way.  Like Baseball--now a true blessed Japanese
sport! :D

> > manner that virtually screamed, "We are no longer friends."
>
> Heh. But this part, at least, I like.

Have to show that the other characters have feelings that can be hurt.
 Can't be a rude gaijin without a proper target to offend!

> Ami? Violence? Puh-lease. The Cold Shoulder Treatment would be more like her.

Good plan.

"Cold Shoulder Treatment" didn't seem to work into the narration, but this did:

	Ami took her computer back, shut it loudly, and glared at her in a
manner that virtually screamed, "We are no longer friends."  Cold
sparks seemed to flare between them as Terra returned her gaze,
despite any fatigue.  Neither party seemed willing to back down.

	"So," Usagi interjected, hoping to break up what seemed certain to
become an unhealthy rivalry.  "Um, by the way, what are we going to do
to... get Rei-chan's grandpa back from the Dark Kingdom?"

> ...Which they will never send en masse to the girls. That'd make too much
> sense, y'see.

Yeah, then they'd lose.  I mean, in the movies, they did successfully
fend off hundreds of flower creatures and ice demon things, but the
Dark Kingdom seemed to be running on limited resources.  Needing lots
of energy and such.

> Heh. Good work in _finally_ fleshing out the girls, especially Ami, in this
> part of TIT, erm, TinT. With a little more spit and polish, you too can make
> in-character quips and one-liners ala Morgan Hudson. :P

^_^  I hope to one day aspire to have properly fleshed-out characterizations.

I seem to do better when I'm not dealing with half a dozen people.
Three at once is doable, though.

> That's because the Japanese 'Self-Defense' force has a height limit before
> they're deployed. You have to as tall as a building before they consider you a
> serious threat (waxing nostalgic of 'Youma attacks the United States of
> America' spamfic from awhile back).

XD  It takes a fifty-foot monster to get 'em to get back to work from
their all-day lunch breaks!

> She is? What, are you establishing a new fanfic meme?

It's not said anywhere, and I may be wrong, but...

http://anthro.palomar.edu/adapt/adapt_5.htm

I have a 90% chance of being right. :D

> Usagi, eating like a pig? No way, Usagi would never do that! (blinks) Wait...

Only in her wildest dreams.  But I'd bet on a good day she could
compete with Miaka...

> That'd be ArbyFish who's doing the influencing, and his influence extends even
> to the fourth wall.

Or it could be... ALIEN MIND-CONTROL WAVES!!!  Wooo~oooo! ^_^

> Heh. Though I'm not quite sure if I should laugh at Terra's antics or get
> irritated by them... I did mention many a C&C back that I am Mary Sue
> intolerant, right? Same thing happened to me when, many years ago, when I got
> to the Insertion chapter where Ranma-Carrot-Dan were developing Kaio-Ken powers
> after just watching the anime 'Dragonball Z'.

Perhaps your experiences have colored your opinion so much that you
can't actually read what the story contains? :D

If it's funny, laugh.  If it's bad, criticize.  Poke me, do I not
squelch?  Prick me, do I not sue for monetary damages...?

Gotta mix ya metaphors, y'see.  Make metaphor stew and serve it for
C$2.40 a bowl!

> Even Terra couldn't stop that. On the other hand...

At least it was an appropriate remark. ;)

> Terra: (does what Rei says)
>
> Usagi: (acts Princess Serenity-ish from now on)

And that wouldn't make anybody happy. ^_^

> Sounds _exactly_ like a typical WWE match. ^_^

Heh!

> Dale Carnegie: (nods sagely)

^_^

> Great. She's half-super-saiyan. All she needs now is a thousand-pound fuku and
> a gravity-manipulation room, and she'd be all set.

Mwahahaha.  Wouldn't THAT be a sight?

> It's getting a bit cliche for me to note that I keep getting flashbacks of
> Insertion (sounds perverted...), and a bit silly too, seeing Insertion's
> history, but... guess what?

Well, some people get traumatized by war situations, shell shocked
whenever they hear the sound of helicopters.  Perhaps you get
flashbacks of fanfics you consider bad?  Oscar's stuff was kind of
like being in a war zone, wasn't it?

It's all good.  Experience helps us progress on to bigger and better things.

> with respect the sudden --> with respect for the sudden (missing word 'for')
>
> Grammar Rule #38 all over again, dear sir.

...oh, so it is. ^^

But it's a missing "to" that we're talking about.

	"My goodness, I must be blind," Ami commented with respect to the
sudden obviousness of the mystery behind her friend's powers.

> Heh. Well, with great otaku-ken powers comes great fanservice Mary Sue
> beat-downs a la Self-Extraction. ^_^ Heck, I'm even getting flashbacks of 'Kung
> Fu Hustle' with the mental image of Terra spitting out blood.

As bad as it is to have her seriously damaged at this point, to not do
so would be much worse. :D

> Suggest: always does --> always did (tense confusion)
>
> Grammar Rule #55: When you write sentences, shifting verb tense is bad.

Good point.  The thing is, I'm shifting tenses to present because
these are supposed to be internal thoughts.  Oh, certainly, I don't
have the clear and definite <> brackets that ASK's inner conversations
always had... but just as sure, this is her inner present-tense
dialogue.

I checked it over and decided to leave it.

> Sadly, I'd bet there might be a real life internet news article describing that
> very same scene. Maddox the Pirate would contend that these sorts of girls
> would deserve the beating.

XD I wouldn't doubt that such an occurrence exists.  Kids believe the
strangest things sometimes.

> Son Goku: (nods sagely) What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
>
> Triumph the Insult-Comic Dog: Tell that to Christopher Reeve.
>
> Conservative Groups: (boos at Triumph)
>
> Maddox: (makes fun of said Conservative Groups)

:D

In anime, Goku's usually right.  On the other hand, some experiences
just drive one crazy, such as Guu's treatment and toying with Hale. :D

> Something growled inside the pits of Terra Incognita's stomach; an unreachable,
> visceral chaos. It did not see. It did not hear. The six blazing orbs which
> adorned its warped reptilian head were not eyes, not primitive organic lumps of
> gristle with nerves that reacted to light. It had no need to gather information
> in the crude and limited fashion of a living being--what it needed to know, it
> simply knew.

Ooh...

> It had a wealth of energy, but it was merely an outcrop of a force far greater
> than itself, a tiny trickle next to a seething ocean of fire and brimstone. It
> longed to unleash more of that endless energy, not in the way that a human
> might lust for power but in the inescapable way that an inferno hungers for
> more fuel to burn. Yet rules defined it, restricted its power, rules which
> allowed it to exist in this ethereal form, rules which gave it a purpose and
> the means to fulfill it.

A spiffy description!

> Its purpose was to hunt. Its purpose was to destroy. And it wanted to get
> out... somehow.
>
> Terra burped, and then balked. "Ew. Heartburn. Yuck, there's aftertaste in my
> mouth... EW! EW! EWWW! WATER!"

Hey now... that's not bad!

...but that doesn't fit in this chapter.

It does, however, fit almost in its entirety in chapter 22.  I've
already inserted it and adapted it in.  Your nifty writing has become
one with our own. ;)

> Heh. I like her mind's snark. Reminds me of SLK without the irritation and
> allergies he usually causes me when he unwittingly shows off his SI ways.

I guess there's just a slant to certain comments that determines
whether they're nifty or if they're too self-aggrandizing to be
helpful.

> Wow. Deleterious is a word (juts it down).

Mwahahah.

> Hmmm... ^_^ Cameos galore.

Just a cutey moon rod. :D

> Hmmm. Presdigitation?

It's maaaagic!

Well, the Omega Sailor Recovery is a real thing, but only S.Saturn was
able to use it.  Once.

> Heh. I liked this part quite a bit, but it steered quite closely and
> dangerously into self-indulgence. Ah well; I always get this way whenever an
> overpowered character acts in a self-aggrandizing way, even if it's all meant
> for good fun.

And the other characters quickly and easily found a countermeasure. ^_^

> (shrugs) Same difference.

Well, yes.

> (shrugs) I dunno. Usagi's always been their trump card before, but Luna never
> voluntarily said, "Let's somehow get Usagi so depressed that she'll turn Super
> Sayaji--er, into Princess Serenity and save us all because the Ginzuishou's
> powers trumps all our powers like the sun trumps a candle flame. Any
> questions?"
>
> Usagi: (raises hand) But I don't wanna be depressed! Don't I get a say in all
> of this?
>
> Luna: Hmmm--No. Okay? Good. Now Rei, start taunting Usagi, while Makoto slaps
> her silly, while Minako pulls on her odangos, and Ami, write her some Math
> problems.

She should DO do that.  It'd make things so much easier. :D

> Heh. At the last second, Terra remembered that she's been hit by a guitar and
> is smart now, not 'special'. ^.^

At some point, intelligence has to trickle back in.  A reality check,
as it were. ;)

> Please tell me her clothes aren't going to rip into pieces in full, lolicon
> glory.

Well, she's gotta have that happen.  Wouldn't be proper if she didn't!

> Luna: (blinks) Her clothes aren't going to rip into pieces in full, lolicon
> glory.
>
> Really?
>
> Luna: (cat-shrugs) Sure, I guess... if a loving, caring God actually exists.
> But where was this so-called God when Gunslinger Girls and Powerpuff Girls Z
> were created, huh?! HUH?!

^_^;

Maybe this one just has different preferences.

> There's a RadioShack at Japan? I though she upgraded it in a shop in Akibahara
> Denki Gai or something.

I'm just referencing a running gag in NETTG Classic.  Radio Shack
products are manufactured in Japan, but I haven't seen any reference
to Japanese Radio Shack outlets.

> Terra: You're missing the point, Abdiel-san! It's fanservice for the Western
> Gaijin Otaku! The Small Wonder fanfiction and references to Toys R Us didn't
> clue you in?

About Toys R Us...

http://www.toysrus.co.jp/truj/store/english/stores/index.html

Ohohohohohoho!  Da ne?  Sou desu!

> Ami: Besides, name computer brands have been on the decline since late 2000.
> Now, if this fic were set during canon Sailor Moon's original timeline...
>
> Terra: Wakarimasen, Ami-chan. Wakarimasen. @_@

People have cellphones and things in this story.  In the early 90s,
they weren't nearly so prevalent.  TinT is kind of set in an
indeterminate... "now."

> (wince) That _was_ a rather insensitive thing to say. I wonder what the fic's
> purpose was in even bringing it up?

To show how rude and thoughtless Terra can be.  She ain't little miss
perfect that everyone loves.  She's a kind of semi-outsider that is
tolerated, somewhat accepted, but often does things the others
dislike, with detrimental effects to herself.

> Fic: (snorts) Here I am, doing what you've suggested and showing people the
> past histories of the senshi in a non-tell-y-but-showy sort of way, and you
> have the gall to complain? Puh-lease, enough with the Catch-22s, nitpicker!

A good question.  If you got everything you asked for in terms of
characterization, would that make you happy?

> (nods) Yep. Ami's getting her characterization rounded out in these parts of
> the fic.

Yay!  We like characterization. ^_^

> > now.
> Ami, like many anime characters like her, become 'Moe'-archetypes of pouting by
> the time they're written in Mary Sue/Sailor Moon Crossover Fanfiction. ^_^

Larry, Moe, and Curly!

Yes, the shy bookish types are oftentimes made big targets by such works.

> The one time she doesn't suck, a whole race of demons lead by a powerful force
> not unlike the powerful force inside of her declares war on her. Hers should be
> a Mary Sue cautionary tale.

With great power comes great responsibility!  Now go whack 'em Negamafoozles. ;)

> Shouldn't that be 'ArbyFishes'?

Fish is plural as well as singular, so I'm adapting that to ArbyFish as well.

> Hehehe. How Kim Possible-ish. Or Powerpuff Girls-ish, in particular the episode
> where they literally had to save the world before their bedtimes.

:D  Gotta take care of the big things before you take care of the
small things like saving the world. ^_^

> > multifaceted white crystal.
>
> Revise: in the middle of which was imbedded a glowing multifaceted white
> crystal --> a glowing, multifaceted white crystal imbedded in the middle of it.
> (awkward phrasing, passive voice)
>
> Grammar Rule #20: The passive voice is to be ignored.

That is to be a good suggestion.

Or something. ^_^

Seriously, it gets rough when I'm reading engineering specs all day
written in the imperative tense.  "Shall be..." and so on.  Goes
against everything I believe in, really.  But oh well, it's a living.
;)

Changed the phrase.

> "Not now that I have my very own Phantom
> Sounds like the fake Shinkon no Tama in one of those filler eps in Inuyasha.

The copy's not usually as good as the original, it's true. ^^

Collect the seven...billion dragon-mushroom-marble balls!

> Usagi: (hearts in her eyes) Sounds romantic!
>
> Rei: (raises an eyebrow) Sounds perverted.
>
> Makoto: Sounds Dragonball-ish. Like Fusion Dragonballish.

All of the above, and yet none. :D

> Minako got reincarnated or something?

Or something, perhaps.

> Orange Highlights, huh? So Minako reincarnated into Ran Kotobuki's body? I
> guess her turning into a 'kogal' isn't too much of a stretch, knowing her... :P

(Looks it up...)

Hmm.  An interesting idea, but didn't quite do that this time. :D

> Hmmm. Though this scene is not as dark as Brian Randall's 'Descent', it remains
> inapt to the whole silliness of the fic in general. Methinks you've already
> covered the back story of this little side-plot by now (since you've finished
> this fic already), ne?

It's explained later on, certainly.  But the size of the story
precludes following the entire arc.  But it is explained.  And the
backstory of what occurred is there.

> These 'MIND YOUR MANNERS!!! with Sailor Nuke' segments kind of reminds me of
> Foghorn Leghorn in a way; even though the joke is a bit outdated (Foghorn was
> emulating one of Fred Allen's radio skit characters which many people at the
> time could relate to), what with the SM dub being a distant memory by now, this
> classic skit has outgrown its satirical roots and stands up on its own, in a
> way. Anyway, Grammar Rules, yo!

Actually, I was thinking of Mind Your Manners, with Billy Quan.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=m-EAfZSQcog

Probably a very obscure reference, from an international perspective. ^^;

> Grammar Rule #20: The passive voice is to be ignored.
>
> Grammar Rule #38: Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
> Grammar Rule #55: When you write sentences, shifting verb tense is bad.
>
> Grammar Rule #74: Proofread carefully to avoid unintentional puns/homonym-type
> spilling mistakes because their usually hard to fined using a spellchecker.

And imagine how bad it would have been if Larry and I hadn't gone over
it a couple times.  But at least it's comparatively clean.  Only like
one incident of each rule, so that's good.

> Don't worry... despite the slight increase of BGRs, these are isolated
> incidents that didn't really _litter_ the whole fic. It's still all good.

Yay!  A comparatively clean bill of health for the 'fic when it comes
to grammar and such.

Now you can focus instead on plot and preferences!  The plot holes are
exposed for all to see under a clear glass of intact text!

> As for the story itself: Okay chapter, lots of foreshadowing, it's nice that
> Terra gets to use some of her powers now, the funny is still there, it's unfair
> of me but I still wish that the SM Girls get to play a more vital role than set
> pieces/curtain jerkers for the _real_ protagonists of the story,

Yeah, that's probably the trickiest part.  Since the story by design
focuses around Terra, she tends to drive the action, and the villains
have been balanced to account for her Sue-ish overpoweredness.

There are some segments later on where each one plays a key role, but
we're talking in the final battle chapters.  However, in the next few
chapters I can look to see where the original protagonists can play a
more major role.

> please
> downplay ArbyFish's facet of being a force of nature,

But if I did that, he'd be OOC.  Ah well.  The best I can do is make
him a hindrance rather than a benefit.  But what do we do with a
tyrant king progenitor of a species of mutant talking cat seal things?
 The other alternative is to make sure he doesn't show up that often.

He could explode, NETTG Classic style, but there's no level 10 super
saiyajins to blow up.

Tricky, tricky bunny...

> and I like the intrigue
> behind 'Mysterious Girl A' and SLA. As for the other stuff....

All will be revealed.  And I know it will because it's written down.
You can rest assured that five years from now, you won't still be
waiting for it to happen.  The chapter will get released before then.

> [Soapbox derby: I realize that you're doing your part to flesh out the SM
> girls. Still, I can't help but feel that they should somehow gain a much more
> significant role in this fic. ^^; Is that so wrong for me to hope? Yes, I
> appreciated what you've done for Ami, and her nerdy fangirl obsession in what
> is deemed to be one of the most retrospectively unpopular shows of all time
> goes well with the many counterculture gags in the fic, but... oh, I dunno.

I'm glad a few things have worked out here.  Your suggestions on a
more major role for the SM girls are actually very good and have
gotten me thinking of how to redo the ending.  Reminds me, for
example, of how Usagi was eventually able to beat a few season-ender
bad guys with pure love and naivete.

> There are times when I wish Terra would absorb the four remaining Sailor Senshi
> into her so they'd become the new multiple personalities in her head _just_ so
> that they'd have a more significant role in the fic and their characterizations
> are _literally_ developed care of Terra.

That'd be handy. ^^  But then we'd be back to flashbacks of Carrot's
Insertion again, wouldn't we?

On the other hand, Carrot did use NETTG Classic as an inspiration.  I
think he mentioned that once or twice  So... while you think you may
be getting Insertion flashbacks, you may really be getting flashbacks
of NETTG Classic, from 10 years ago, before I discovered what
character balance meant. ^^

> Still, my wish that the inserted
> protagonist makes way for the former protagonists sounds a lot like a C&Cer
> saying "I like your lemon fic, except all the lemon parts." I dunno; maybe I'm
> just idly wishing for a reverse Star Light Knight or a reverse "Insertion" fic,
> where anime characters get to go inside an otaku's mind and drive him crazy.
> Hmmm... That sounds like fairly disturbing fic.]

It just wouldn't make a very fun story, the way I picture it.  Real
humans' lives tend to be boring, monotonous things without magic and
without big shiny mecha and stuff.  It's a big reason why we seek
after such things, really.  Anime characters infesting a fanboy's mind
would just result in embarrassing personal situations.  The Revengefic
Wars show how dark and pointless it can all get.  Still, a lot of
authors had fun with it.

> [Yet another soapbox: But I'm getting off track. ^^;; What can I say? I believe
> the best stories mostly come from fantastic characters in everyday situations
> (The Incredibles, The Powerpuff Girls, and Kim Possible) or normal characters
> put in extraordinary situations (Rocky, Harry Potter, Fushigi Yuugi, Sailor
> Moon in a way, and good ol' Tenchi Muyo); a theme of contrasts and whatnot. To
> make the girls worthy foil for Terra, they'd have to be as involved with Terra
> as Tenchi's harem was with Tenchi,

As millions of Yuri fans squeal in delight. o_O

> or Miaka's harem was with Miaka.

And that number doubles.

But yeah, I get the idea.  Have them do their own thing, participate,
fight, develop their characters and such.  Have the title character
beat the end boss if she must, but the others do all kinds of things
that lead up to that.  Makes sense.

> Or focus
> with the Negamafoozles so that they'd act as better antagonists to Terra, such
> that they'd become a better rogue gallery and foil for her a la with the
> Powerpuff Girls (Z?). Because right now, for good or for ill, "Here comes Terra
> to save the day" plot point only worked when she sucked then suddenly didn't
> suck anymore for the sake of friends, love, and family. Now that she's coming
> on her own and growing up, other avenues of interest must be explored so that
> more opportunities for plot development/humor become readily available for the
> story to move on. Just... make Terra make use of the series she's in, have her
> interact with her environs more, don't just focus the story around her, make
> her part of it.]

Good advice...  And by advising me thus, you've already managed to
improve future chapters.  Chapter 22 has a segment you wrote--it fit
in perfectly and expands the scene where I used it perfectly.  And
ideas for how to change the ending are brewing.  Lovely stuff!

> Anyway, aside from all that, great fic. Who knows? Maybe you've already
> addressed these contentions in future chapters. We'll see, so see ya. ;)

Thanks a bunch!  I really appreciate the time and effort it took to
put this together!  Chapters take hours to properly review on this
level.  Doubly appreciated.  The least I can do is take a couple hours
to respond and apply the changes.

Writings: Fan Fiction

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